i've been thinking back to when I first moved into this city.
I was so scared just to walk down the street by myself. Now I do it at night all around... Where I'm living now feels safe. Riding the buss opened me up to the city. Its better than people think. People are helpful. A lot of people are assholes ofcouse but whatelse is new.
Its funny to think about how petrified I was to ride the school bus in High School and Junior High. They were all out to get me. Now I can take care of myself... we as best a girl of my size and thought can be...
need to take martial arts class asap.
there was something else I remembered... it had to do with just the way perception effects feeling...
i think it was about Patt... remembering how things used to be... how clueless i was about the reality of our relationship... that he really would have married me. that's why he asked me to move in. he was planing the rest of our lives. i loved him so but i just always thought "this is the first... first connotes that there will be a second at least right?"
man...
i was dreaming the other morning that i was doing stand up comedy at the company Christmas party. No one was laughing. Ha. There was also something about a canal... kinda like the swimming area in Chico. i was with someone. not sure who now...
better that way today.
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