new memories

i've been thinking back to when I first moved into this city.
I was so scared just to walk down the street by myself. Now I do it at night all around... Where I'm living now feels safe. Riding the buss opened me up to the city. Its better than people think. People are helpful. A lot of people are assholes ofcouse but whatelse is new.
Its funny to think about how petrified I was to ride the school bus in High School and Junior High. They were all out to get me. Now I can take care of myself... we as best a girl of my size and thought can be...
need to take martial arts class asap.

there was something else I remembered... it had to do with just the way perception effects feeling...

i think it was about Patt... remembering how things used to be... how clueless i was about the reality of our relationship... that he really would have married me. that's why he asked me to move in. he was planing the rest of our lives. i loved him so but i just always thought "this is the first... first connotes that there will be a second at least right?"

man...

i was dreaming the other morning that i was doing stand up comedy at the company Christmas party. No one was laughing. Ha. There was also something about a canal... kinda like the swimming area in Chico. i was with someone. not sure who now...

better that way today.

making noise with vampires

again
i dreampt this
again
the same way
somethings on its way to me
now that i can't remember my dreams it makes me on edge
which dream is coming true?

which dream is next?

Street corner in new york

standing there with matt and molly
they were talking about a dissagreement with hotel rooms and a coworker
dejavu again
weird
i never thought i'd be in new york with these kids. but i was and i dreampt it months ago.

Captains Log 10082009

after i got my bike off the bus rack today there was an old woman with a cane standing there smiling at me. she said something. i stopped and stepped towards her. 'i never learned how to ride a bike' she said.
it didn't make sense to me for a moment.
'no, way!' i said 'you've got to.' (idiot, i didn't know what to say.)
'good for you' she said